You Saved Me From Myself
by Ashes from Tomorrow
Summary: On threat of never seeing their Autobot friends, Jack, Miko and Rafael expose their darkest secrets. I rated it T just on case. Dark themes so be careful. I hope you enjoy.
1. Better Off Without Me

**Chapter 1:**** Better Off Without Me**

The missions were complete failures. What started as simple harmless energon scouting trips, ended up as fights for survival. Bumblebee and Rafael were in Montana and Bee decided to show off a cool move to his human friend when he made a simple miscalculation that almost allowed the 'cons to scrap them both. Bulkhead and Miko were in Miami and Miko convinced her guardian to ambush a small Decepticons mine. It ended badly. Arcee and Jack were in North Dakota were they ran into Airachnid. No details are necessary.

After both Optimus Prime and Ratchet chewed them out, Ratchet livid and yelling and Optimus calm and disappointed, they ended their lecture with threats and seriously considering to stop guarding the humans since they were in often in more in danger than not. At this point, June came in and took the kids home.

All three kids felt terrible. Each felt guilty and responsible for getting their guardians and friends in trouble. To them, it seemed to be what they've been doing for a while and they blamed themselves. It looked that this was the last straw. It seemed that the kids might be able to see their friends one more day and then no more. Raf, Miko and Jack all thought on how to deal with their guilt. Then an idea hit.

After a little begging, June allowed Raf and Miko to stay over for a little bit. They all went upstairs into Jack's room and shut themselves in. It was so quiet that June began to worry slightly. She hoped the young ones didn't decide to do something rash. After a few hours of no word from upstairs, Miko and Raf came down and asked for June to take them home. They asked her to pick them up the next day and take them to the Autobot base as they had a final thing to say to their friends. Both of their eyes were red-rimmed from stress and crying. June, though worried, agreed and trusted them to do the right thing. She wondered what had conspired that night, but at one look at her son's face, she didn't ask. It wasn't until the next day that she wished she had.


	2. One Small Shake and Fries

**Chapter Two:**** One Small Shake and Fries**

Jack, Miko and Raf walked into the base. Miko carried as small chocolate shake and a small order of fries. Raf had his usual backpack and Jack had an old, slightly rusty, pocket-knife in his pocket. The Autobots ignored them. Bulkhead, Bumblebee and Arcee were still in trouble and weren't allowed and Optimus and Ratchet didn't want to talk to them. They had decided to let the humans have one more day with them. While Miko ate, the boys pushed the table from the entertainment area the kids used to the rail. Miko placed her now empty food containers onto the table. Raf did the same with his backpack and Jack his knife. Miko then dragged a trash can to one end of the table. At this point everyone started to become curious. Yet, they did not look directly at them.

After a deep breath, Miko knelt next to the trash can. A moment passed then she shoved her finger down her throat, forcing her to vomit into the can. In surprise, everyone looked over at the female girl. Bulkhead stepped forward once, confusion in his optics. Miko stood up and behind where she had put her empty food containers. There was no fun and excitement in her eyes as usual. She was dead serious. Looking straight at Bulkhead, Miko spoke in a low, normal tone.

"I hated you Bulk," His optics raised in shock. "I hated you because you didn't quit. Remember our first day and you took me to a drive-in and made me get something? After some arguing, I agreed to get a small shake and fries. That was the first thing I had eaten in a month. Until I met you, I was anorexic. I had convinced myself I was fat and that food was evil. This was because when I was younger, the boy I liked said I was fat. My friends agreed with him."

"After much thought, I had decided that they were right. It was then I decided to lose weight by cutting back how much I ate. It was easy, too easy. I would get up early in the morning so I could lie to my parents saying I ate breakfast. Lunch, I could fake since I would almost ate alone at school and at home. My parents would work late most nights so I didn't often eat dinner. By the time I came here, one apple could last me a month. I didn't know I had problem because I didn't want to stop. Then I met you, Bulkhead." At this point, she gave a small smile to the big green mech.

"I hated you because you made me eat. Three times a day, you made me put evil things into my body, things that would make me fat. My body couldn't take it, so it rejected it. Every time I ate, I had to hide from you so I could vomit. I didn't want to, but I did. Then I knew I had problem. I didn't know what to do and I was scared. I decided then to let you do what you did to take care of me. Soon, I could eat one meal, then two, then three. Then I started to eat more. Now, I can pig out just fine like the big ones," Miko smirked.

"I still have some problems with how I look, but I like how I look and I now see what I did was wrong in so many ways. You helped me and you didn't even know what you doing. If it weren't for you I would have starved to death. You saved me from myself."

With that, Miko took her empty food containers and threw them in the trash can. She stepped back and Raf stepped forward.


	3. You Cared to Notice

**Chapter Three:**** You Cared to Notice**

Raf walked forward to stand behind his backpack. Opening it, he took out a bottle of pills, a syringe, and what looked like a container of tobacco.

"Bee, do you remember me telling you about illegal drugs?" He said without looking up. After what they heard from Miko, the faithful scout was a little nervous. _Yes, I remember._ Bee whirled.

"Well, this is some of them. The bottle of pills is cocaine, the container is marijuana, and this, is heroin." Raf rolled up the sleeve of his left arm and picked up the syringe. He let out a small hiss as he injected himself with the powerful and deadly drug. Instantly, the whole room reacted. The 'bots were shocked that the boy do such a thing. Each one knew about the evil drugs. Bee whined in question, betrayal, and worry as Raf slightly stumbled.

"No, I'm okay. It was only a small dose and it has been a while since I last injected myself." Raf found his balanced and continued. "Did you know I did that after every time I ate? Or that I took two of these pills every hour, or smoked marijuana before I went to bed? Do you want to know why? I did it because I thought that no one cared about me! The only time my mom interacted with me was to punish, criticize me, or tell me of her 'high expectance' of me. Also, because my height, people found it easy to ignore me. I wanted to do something to try getting the people around me to see me. I also wanted to forget how much it hurt to be ignored. I was eight when I took my first pill. That means I was like that for four years. Then I met you, Bee."

"At first I thought you would treat me like everyone else did: ignore me until upmost necessity. Then you did the exact opposite. You went out of your way to be there for me. You became my best friend. It made feel needed. I liked it. Then I realized that I had a problem. I went online to find tricks to stop. I didn't want you find about my addiction. But, by the time Jack borrowed you to race Vince; I realized that I had stopped my addiction. I quit because you cared about me. You noticed me because you liked me. Sure I've been danger, but if it weren't for you, I might have gotten caught and arrested or accidently overdosed and died. You saved me from myself."

With that said Rafael took his drugs and dropped them in the trash. Miko helped Raf to the couch; by then the drug had taken hold. Jack walked toward the table.


	4. I Need You Too

**Chapter Four:**** I Need You Too**

Jack looked long and hard Arcee before he spoke. Fingering the knife he wove the last of the three tales. Arcee was a smart 'bot and grew worried about what story the knife told.

"Unlike Raf and Miko, I don't know when I started to ruin my life. My father was abusive to me and my mom. Not only did he hit me, he called me stupid, weak, not needed, and several other things. It went on for so long that I started to believe him. I was in a lot of pain. I didn't want people to notice and like me or care about me, I just wanted to die. But I was a coward and couldn't do myself in. So what I would do is lock myself in my room, roll up my sleeves and cut my arms with a knife." As Jack talked, he rolled up his sleeves and cut his arms. Even from Arcee's distance and height, she could still the scars from previous cuts. Jack winced with a small gasp as the blood flowed from the wounds he made. Panic filled the wide optics of the blue femme.

"Humans called it cutting and it's a sign of suicide. My mom never knew about this, I never told her. It also helped me feel slightly better. After my dad left, I began to feel worse. I thought it was my fault he left. There were times that I wondered why I didn't just slit my wrists, cut the main arteries there, and let myself bleed to death." Jack held the knife, but stopped cutting. June tried to run over to stop his son's bleeding, but Miko held her back. Jack sighed.

"My problem grew. Soon, I couldn't keep it in my room. At school, I would use the blade of my pencil sharpener to cut under my desk in class to focus on my studies. When I wasn't in school, I would carry my knife around in my pocket to cut when I felt the urge. I used the knife to relieve stress or to punish myself for my many mistakes. All the while, I tried to contain my growing need to end my 'pitiful existence'."

"The night we met Arcee, was the night I was ready to end it all. My mom would have come from work to find me in the bathtub with a note and dead with slit wrists." At this, June couldn't take it. The thought of what her son would have done if not for meeting Arcee was too much. She broke into tears. Optimus walked over to the weeping mother, picked her up, and held her to his spark in comfort. Guilt wracked his frame.

Looking at his fellow 'bot, he took in their faces. Ratchet had shuttered his optics in order to block out the voices of the humans he had hurt. Bulkhead was frozen in shock. He could not believe that the spunky, optimistic human that he had grown to think of like a small wrecker treated herself so low. Pain of what could be filled him as coolant slid silently down his faceplates. Bumblebee was in no better shape. Sobs shook him nearly apart at his best friend confession of his addiction. The young scout was nearly on his knees, bent over as to block an attack to his midsection though the pain was higher up. Arcee scared him the most. The idea that her junior partner did self-harm almost stopped her spark. She tried to block it out. The pain she felt was right up there with the death of Tailgate. All that she could think of was what would happened had she had not met Jack. Looking at the soldiers that he had learned to care for as family, Optimus Prime once again was filled with guilt.

As June began to calm, Jack continued, "Unlike Miko and Raf, I knew when I stopped. With them, it was over time. For me, it happened on two different days. The night we talked and you said that you didn't know why but you needed me and didn't want to lose me was the night I stopped wanting to die. The day we faced your demon and I became you junior partner was the day I stopped cutting. You needed me to stay alive. I needed you to need me. If it weren't for you, I would have killed myself. You saved me from myself."

With that, Jack threw his knife away. Miko brought Raf to stand beside Jack.

"We were in a dark place with no way out when you found us. If you had left us to our devices, we would have destroyed ourselves," Miko said.

"If we never see you again, just know that we understand and we won't revert back to the way we were," Raf added.

"We just wanted to thank you for being what we needed. Also that you protected us better than you thought you did. We are taking our trash to the dump where it will stay forever," Jack finished. "Thank you Arcee, for needing me."

"Thanks Bulk, so much, for liking me the way I am."

"Thank you Bumblebee, for noticing me."

With that, the kids took that bag of trash to the dump and went home. The next their guardians were there to take them to school. When they came to base, Optimus and Ratchet apologized for threating to remove the 'bots from their duty. The subject was never brought up again.


End file.
